The boys at the Grand Canyon 2011

The boys at the Grand Canyon 2011

Sunday, November 4, 2012

My brother

This month began the thankful posts on facebook.  I am thankful for many things, but today, I am thankful for eternal families.  The last two months have been the hardest I have ever known. My sweet, youngest brother, Cade, age 26, passed away on August 26 after a 2 year fight with a cancerous brain tumor.  I feel sad, and mad and numb and everything in between. I am not a good one to show emotions in public, so most people don't see it.  But it seems, my grief is coming out as anger more often than not.  It's like I almost can't control it.   I snap at the clerk in the store, the man at the auto repair place, the mailman, the crossing guard, etc.... I just can't seem to snap out of it. If I have snapped at you, I sincerely apologize. I don't like the picture of me people are getting, because this is not me, really!  I hope it gets easier.  My heart aches for his wife and cute baby son.  I love them so much and know that this is ultimately harder for them than it is me.  I hope I can help them get through this trial and that I can listen to the spirit and know what to do for them.  My heart also aches for my parents.  Having 4 sons of my own, I can only imagine how that would feel to lose one of them.  What a difficult thing.   Knowing we can see him again and that he is okay right now has helped lessen the ache (a little).  I love him so much!  I hope he knows how much.  He was a great example to me.  He withstood this trial with dignity and patience and I am so amazed at his strength.   I was able to spend the last week of his life with him and the rest of my siblings.  This time was absolutely priceless to me and I am so thankful I was able to be there.  Some of it is so dear to my heart, I can't think of it without crying.  At times, now and then, I feel him near me, comforting me, and I remember that this life is so short in the eternal scheme of things.  I just have to keep going and be strong.  Thank you for letting me vent.  I hope by the time I post next, it will be more positive. 

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Rough Month so far

Wow.  I do not like June so much this year.  Lots of stuff has happened that are so not fun to deal with.  A few of them are kind of private family things, so i won't share them on here.  But they are difficult to say the least.  These things create emotional stress for everyone in my little family and we are dealing with it the best way we can..  The rest of the stuff has happened in the last two weeks.  Two flat tires on Thor's car.  Two flat tires on my van.  A new bill had to be created and added to the budget (not fun).  I tweaked my neck almost 3 weeks ago and can not get it to feel better.  Lost my phone last Friday somewhere in my house (I heard it die).  After tearing the house apart I still can't find it.  Ahh!  Then on Monday morning after my third 12 hour shift work night, my transmission went out in my van while i was waiting at a stop light.  That will be $3000 to fix.  Can I just say UNCLE now and be done with it??  No more, June, you hear me??  I need the rest to be calm.  On a happier note, Thor and I had our 16th Anniversary!  Can't believe it's been that long!  Wow!  Seems like just yesterday!  Maybe next time we can go on a cruise or something.  We took the kids out the Frederico's pizza in Logan, UT.  That was the site of our first date.  Which was a blind one, by the way.  They kids were entranced by the story of how we didn't know each other before we went out.  :)  I told the workers the history, and when they saw the 4 boys, they were noticeably impressed!  I must say, they are handsome!  Well, this was a very random post.  Next time will be better.  I am still learning.