My brother

This month began the thankful posts on facebook.  I am thankful for many things, but today, I am thankful for eternal families.  The last two months have been the hardest I have ever known. My sweet, youngest brother, Cade, age 26, passed away on August 26 after a 2 year fight with a cancerous brain tumor.  I feel sad, and mad and numb and everything in between. I am not a good one to show emotions in public, so most people don't see it.  But it seems, my grief is coming out as anger more often than not.  It's like I almost can't control it.   I snap at the clerk in the store, the man at the auto repair place, the mailman, the crossing guard, etc.... I just can't seem to snap out of it. If I have snapped at you, I sincerely apologize. I don't like the picture of me people are getting, because this is not me, really!  I hope it gets easier.  My heart aches for his wife and cute baby son.  I love them so much and know that this is ultimately harder for them than it is me.  I hope I can help them get through this trial and that I can listen to the spirit and know what to do for them.  My heart also aches for my parents.  Having 4 sons of my own, I can only imagine how that would feel to lose one of them.  What a difficult thing.   Knowing we can see him again and that he is okay right now has helped lessen the ache (a little).  I love him so much!  I hope he knows how much.  He was a great example to me.  He withstood this trial with dignity and patience and I am so amazed at his strength.   I was able to spend the last week of his life with him and the rest of my siblings.  This time was absolutely priceless to me and I am so thankful I was able to be there.  Some of it is so dear to my heart, I can't think of it without crying.  At times, now and then, I feel him near me, comforting me, and I remember that this life is so short in the eternal scheme of things.  I just have to keep going and be strong.  Thank you for letting me vent.  I hope by the time I post next, it will be more positive.