My brother

This month began the thankful posts on facebook.  I am thankful for many things, but today, I am thankful for eternal families.  The last two months have been the hardest I have ever known. My sweet, youngest brother, Cade, age 26, passed away on August 26 after a 2 year fight with a cancerous brain tumor.  I feel sad, and mad and numb and everything in between. I am not a good one to show emotions in public, so most people don't see it.  But it seems, my grief is coming out as anger more often than not.  It's like I almost can't control it.   I snap at the clerk in the store, the man at the auto repair place, the mailman, the crossing guard, etc.... I just can't seem to snap out of it. If I have snapped at you, I sincerely apologize. I don't like the picture of me people are getting, because this is not me, really!  I hope it gets easier.  My heart aches for his wife and cute baby son.  I love them so much and know that this is ultimately harder for them than it is me.  I hope I can help them get through this trial and that I can listen to the spirit and know what to do for them.  My heart also aches for my parents.  Having 4 sons of my own, I can only imagine how that would feel to lose one of them.  What a difficult thing.   Knowing we can see him again and that he is okay right now has helped lessen the ache (a little).  I love him so much!  I hope he knows how much.  He was a great example to me.  He withstood this trial with dignity and patience and I am so amazed at his strength.   I was able to spend the last week of his life with him and the rest of my siblings.  This time was absolutely priceless to me and I am so thankful I was able to be there.  Some of it is so dear to my heart, I can't think of it without crying.  At times, now and then, I feel him near me, comforting me, and I remember that this life is so short in the eternal scheme of things.  I just have to keep going and be strong.  Thank you for letting me vent.  I hope by the time I post next, it will be more positive. 

Rough Month so far

Wow.  I do not like June so much this year.  Lots of stuff has happened that are so not fun to deal with.  A few of them are kind of private family things, so i won't share them on here.  But they are difficult to say the least.  These things create emotional stress for everyone in my little family and we are dealing with it the best way we can..  The rest of the stuff has happened in the last two weeks.  Two flat tires on Thor's car.  Two flat tires on my van.  A new bill had to be created and added to the budget (not fun).  I tweaked my neck almost 3 weeks ago and can not get it to feel better.  Lost my phone last Friday somewhere in my house (I heard it die).  After tearing the house apart I still can't find it.  Ahh!  Then on Monday morning after my third 12 hour shift work night, my transmission went out in my van while i was waiting at a stop light.  That will be $3000 to fix.  Can I just say UNCLE now and be done with it??  No more, June, you hear me??  I need the rest to be calm.  On a happier note, Thor and I had our 16th Anniversary!  Can't believe it's been that long!  Wow!  Seems like just yesterday!  Maybe next time we can go on a cruise or something.  We took the kids out the Frederico's pizza in Logan, UT.  That was the site of our first date.  Which was a blind one, by the way.  They kids were entranced by the story of how we didn't know each other before we went out.  :)  I told the workers the history, and when they saw the 4 boys, they were noticeably impressed!  I must say, they are handsome!  Well, this was a very random post.  Next time will be better.  I am still learning. 

Arizona Trip

Went to Arizona for my niece's wedding.  While we were there we decided to take a detour and go see the Grand Canyon.  It was beautiful, although I would not recommend taking small children!  I  think my blood pressure went up and stayed there during the whole trip!  I am a natural worrier, but this was crazy!  There are guard rails, but not everywhere and it's very easy to walk right up to the edge.  One missed step, even near guard rails and you could go right over!  My kids kept telling me how mean I was because they could only go where there were rails.  Ya, I think I'm ok with that!  Looking into the vastness of the Grand Canyon was very humbling and scary all at the same time.  I am in awe at the beauty of it.  But very aware of how dangerous it can be.  The kids had a good time and all of them said seeing this was the highlight of their trip, so I guess it was worth it!  Just wish we had done it when they were a little older!

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 This is us at the end of the day.  The weather went from clear blue skies and cold to grey, cloudy skies and freezing!  Funny how fast those storms roll in!  One thing I thought was interesting was that it was cold!  I thought with it being Arizona that it would be nice and warm like Scottsdale was.  Nope.  It was more like Utah weather. I was told by one of the guides, that it is 110 degrees on the bottom, but very cold on the top.  Wow.  You would think it would be the other way around.  I didn't understand that.  Hmmm.  Really makes you think.

My boys thought it would be fun to climb these rocks.  Luckily it was not close to the edge.  I love these kids so much!  They are the light of my life and I don't know what I would do without them!  I pray I never have to find out!  I thank my Heavenly Father every day for trusting me to be their mother!  

Care for Cade

As some of you know my little brother Cade has been diagnosed with brain tumor. He has already undergone 2 extensive surgerys and just started radiation. He is the best guy you'll ever meet and is such a sweet heart! He and his wife of 2 years Aly just found out a few months ago that they are expecting a little one! We are so excited for them but the reality is that the medical bills are huge and having a baby is also expensive :). So we have set up a 5k to help with this. Its $20 per person and if you pre-register you are guarenteed a shirt! Its on July 30th in Brigham City. If you want more info and to particiapte the registration forms are on careforcade.blogspot.com. I am also selling "Cade Breaks Cancer" braclets for $2.00 each! Every little bit helps! :) I love him so much and would do anything for him.  I hope you will help and join us in supporting him!  Love you all and thank you for your support so far!

Rough week

Thor's brother passed away a week ago today.  He was only 54 and it was so sad.  We have all been dealing with the loss in our own way.  I think of all the times he helped us when we were first married, and all the fun we had with him over the years and I cry.  It's such a sad thing when someone we love's life is cut short!  I am so thankful for my religious beliefs when it comes to these things.  It's the only thing that gets me through.
And then, once we thought the chaos was all behind us, my brother started radiation and had to go back into the hospital.  He need another shunt put in his brain. Too much pressure and fluid is creating headaches.  So worried and just want him to know how much I love him.  In the midst of all of this bad news, he and Aly found out that they are going to be having a boy!  I am so happy for them and hope that soon all of this bad stuff will be behind them and they can enjoy being a cute little family!

Where I'd like to be right now!

This is where I'd like to be right now.  Somewhere far away in the middle of South Pacific just hangin out on the beach away from the stress and struggle of every day life! (This is actually Samoa). Ah.  If only!  This crappy weather is really taking it's toll on me.  I need sunshine!!!!  

My brother Cade

In February of this year, my youngest brother, Cade, was diagnosed with a Primary Glioma Brain Tumor.  He has had brain surgery and is in the process of  getting ready for radiation.  I love my brother so much and it's very hard for me to see him hurting like this and having the stress of all his financial burdens that are piling up.  He  is a wonderful person and does not deserve to have had this happen!  Anyway,. On May 16th, there will be a fundraiser at Chili's in Logan to help with the astronomical amount of medical bills.  All day from open to close, just go and eat there and tell them you are there for Cade Wyatt and they will donate the money to him.  Even if you don't normally go to Logan, please come if you possibly can..... Thank you so much for being my friends!   Love you all.